XMFC/Accidents Happen

[guideshapelead]

Charles is far from impressed with the drugs Hank's given him. So far, he's taking them obediently, but he has to admit that it's already a struggle to keep up the regime. He hasn't had another seizure, and for that he is grateful, but the cost is almost too much. His concentration is shot; he can barely manage a chapter of a book in one sitting, now, whereas before he'd skim whole volumes. And worse, his telepathy has been weakened to a level which is almost non-existent. He has to try, with all his concentration and mental strength, just to catch glimpses of thoughts aimed directly at him.

His head has never felt so quiet.

As a consequence, he's in far from a good mood as he sits in the drawing room with Erik that afternoon, struggling to do more than watch the flames in the fireplace. He finds the whole thing far more crippling than the bullet in his spine.

Comments

[guideshapelead]

"No, you haven't," Charles shakes his head.

"It's my telepathy. Or lack of it. It feels like there's a wall between us."

[diecastking]

Erik lets out a shaky breath and nods, willing to accept this explanation for the moment.

"You should get ready for bed," he says, climbing off to search for his own pyjama bottoms.

[guideshapelead]

"Erik..." Charles feels guilty for calling stop now, reaching out for the other man's wrist.

"I'm sorry?"

[diecastking]

Erik looks at him intensely, eyes full of pain. "You never have to say sorry to me. It's my fault - I made you uncomfortable."

[guideshapelead]

Aware that serious conversations are hard to have naked, Charles pulls his pyjama bottoms from beneath the bedcovers and pulls them on over his legs. With his modesty returned to him, he pats the bed at his side, wanting Erik to sit down with him.

[diecastking]

Erik obediently sits, still unable to meet Charles' eye. "I'm sorry."

[guideshapelead]

"Don't be," Charles shakes his head. "I... I know I'm difficult to be with."

[diecastking]

Erik closes his eyes. That's the last thing he wants Charles to think. "I was meant to prove to you we could do this."

[guideshapelead]

"It's not your fault," Charles reassures Erik, yet again.

"I just can't stand... not hearing you, in here," he taps his temple. "And I really don't like having... having my legs touched."

[diecastking]

Erik knows he should look Charles in the eye, tell him it's okay, that they can do anything together - but he can't.

"I miss you too. And I don't want to do anything that upsets you - but sometimes, I will touch your legs. I don't know how that can be avoided."

[guideshapelead]

"Then can you warn me, at least?" Charles knows that this would all be different if his telepathy was working properly, but for now they'll have to make do with talking out loud.

[diecastking]

Erik finally looks up at Charles with a small smile. "I'm not very good at talking things through."

[guideshapelead]

"We don't normally have to," Charles returns the smile.

"But for now..." He reaches for Erik's hand, guides it slowly to his knee, watching carefully all the while. This is something he knows he'll have to get used to.

[diecastking]

Erik doesn't like touching Charles' legs either, the skin colder than the rest of him and the unresisting muscle feeling like rubber. But he also fixes his gaze on his hand, allowing Charles complete control.

[guideshapelead]

"I have to get used to this," Charles is talking to himself as much as Erik as he takes his hand away from the other man's. He now has no sense at all that he's being touched, even though he can see it with his own eyes.

[diecastking]

Erik leaves his hand in place but lifts the other to cup Charles' cheek. "I love you," he says.

[guideshapelead]

"I love you too," Charles reassures his lover, before looking back down at the hand on his knee.

"I feel like a puppet on a string, sometimes."

[diecastking]

"You will always be in control of your own destiny," Erik says, bringing both hands up to Charles' face. "That's what's important."

[guideshapelead]

Kissing Erik gently on the lips, Charles pulls back and reaches for his pyjama top.

"I'll try to be less uptight," he gives his best offer.

[diecastking]

Erik considers Charles in the half-light, with a small smile. "We will just have to talk things through. I want to surprise you, Charles, but I will settle for pleasing you."

[guideshapelead]

"Surprises are easier to deal with when I can feel your thoughts," Charles smiles. He respects Erik's privacy, and he's sure his lover knows the difference between reading and feeling his thoughts.

[diecastking]

Erik takes Charles' hand. "You know," he starts slowly, "that I would give you anything. But you must believe me when I tell you there are dark things in my mind that I hope you never see. I don't want to hurt you, Charles."

[guideshapelead]

"I don't go looking for your memories, Erik, not without permission," Charles promises.

"It's just like having a sixth sense. I can feel certain things, without any conscious effort. Moods, mostly. But never your deepest secrets, that would take considerable effort."

[diecastking]

Erik leans in to rest his forehead against Charles'. "I don't want any secrets from you. I only want to protect you."

[guideshapelead]

"I know you do," Charles sighs, pressing his lips to Erik's cheek.

"Move my legs under the covers?" He suggests, knowing that he has to start letting Erik do things like this. He has to accept that letting his lover help is not the same as surrendering his own independence.